When Your Birthing Plan Doesn’t Go To Plan

Hi ladies how are you? I hope you’ve had a great week and are now fully recovered from last weekends Easter holidays.  I’m still trying to get back into a routine and have been a bit rubbish with working on my blog.

This article has been sat in my draft folder for two months as I’ve not been sure how to finish it or when to publish it but today an unexpected conversation inspired me to complete it and finally publish.

‘Sometimes the best moments in life are the ones you didn’t plan at all’

No truer word has been spoken and this goes for child-birth as well.

When I was pregnant with my daughter; I religiously practised yoga, meditation and anything else I could think of to ensure I had a ‘perfect labour’. My birthing plan was pretty much to Om that baby out while listening to soothing whale music and spending the best part of my labour in a birthing pool; whilst my husband looked on admiringly at the miracle of birth. Phah!

Ironically my ideology of what labour would be like totally went out the window when at 34 weeks pregnant my waters broke in the early hours of the morning.  Ladies; if you ever want to see a man jump out of bed quickly; tell him you think you’ve either wet the bed or your waters have just broken.  I did both.

In my  confusion the two thoughts that went through my head were: A) Bloody glad I washed and straightened my hair the night before and B) Mortification at not being as bikini ready as I would have ordinarily liked to have been.

Tut Tut; don’t judge me ladies; to state the bloody obvious; I was delusional, in denial and totally naive having previously never given birth.

For any woman who has given birth will tell you; that is the last thing on your mind while you’re  birthing a very small person out your body.

We arrived at the hospital at 5:30am where I was immediately scanned and told our baby girl was breech and that I would need a c-section.  I was monitored continuously and my contractions strengthened and so naturally I was delighted when the midwives introduced me to the gas and air which I took to a little too well.

By 9:00am I was contracting every few minutes and our little girl was getting distressed so they began prepping me for surgery. I’m not sure even at this stage whether the seriousness of the events had really sunk in.  My husband certainly wasn’t looking on admiringly and despite his total horror at what was happening;  his focus was to keep me calm at all times so he hid it well his panic well.

The risk factors were discussed and we were told exactly what would be happening once we arrived in theatre.  Up until this point I had never had stitches, broken a bone or spent any length of time in a hospital.  Apparently I signed some disclosure paperwork, or so my husband tells me and we were told exactly what would be going down in theatre and then I was rushed straight in.

I was given an epidural in my spine and managed to get a little meditation in while they inserted the needle and then my husband entered dressed in his finest scrubs.  Being a massive Greys Anatomy fan; Dr Derek Shepherd AKA Dr McDreamy had some serious competition and all I needed was Dr McSteamy and we would have had ourselves a party. The gas and air had obviously kicked in.

It all goes a little hazy at this point as they pumped my body with drugs to sedate and calm me but I am vaguely aware of a lot of faces staring down at me and rushing around. There was no whale music, no birthing pool and no deep breathing.  Our daughter was born at 12.22pm and as they held her tiny body over me I managed a brief glimpse and touched her beautiful face before she was whisked away in an incubator to the NICU ward where she remained for the next 19 days.

Second time around my birthing plan was:

A) Get baby out as safely as possible

B) See point A above

Our son was born at  35 weeks by c-section because he too was breech and because of further complications I was given a general anesthetic and missed his birth entirely.

I speak with many women about their birthing experience; us women love to talk about the day our children entered the world and I never tire of talking about it myself.  Time goes by so quickly and I think its therapeutic to talk over our experiences.

Whilst many women are happy with their birthing experience; there are many that feel disappointed angry and sadly guilty that their experience did not go entirely to plan.

It’s completely normal and understandable to have these feelings but below are some steps you can take to help you come to terms with your birthing experience when it doesn’t go to plan.

Firstly a Birth Plan is a document that you’ll discuss with your midwife or doctor which lets you go through your preferences for your birth and how to manage your labour pain.  However its important to remember that you cannot control every aspect of labour and delivery. The best thing to do is keep an open mind and remain flexible should your medical team need to move away from your original plan.

There are some amazing support groups out there and one site I found is the Seleni Institute.

The Seleni Institute is a nonprofit organization that was founded by Nitzia and George Logothetis in 2011 to destigmatize and transform mental health and wellness by addressing real-life issues that challenge the emotional health of women, men, and their families, including: pre-pregnancy, pregnancy, infertility/third-party reproduction, miscarriage, stillbirth, menopause, parenting, and child loss.

The below advice is provided by them and I have added a link to their site for any ladies who are struggling to come to terms with their  birthing experience.


    1. Don’t hide your feelings, I know its sounds so obvious but be honest with yourself and discuss your feelings with your family members or close friends who can help you come to terms with the situation.
    1. As above; we love to talk about our birthing experiences; so do just that.  Talk. Processing the experience can help reduce any guilt or anger you may be experiencing.
    1. Whatever you do; please don’t blame yourself.  As a society we can be unbelievably judgemental and  woman sadly can be the most judgemental.   I’ve never quite worked that one out.   The pressures we put upon ourselves to have a ‘good birthing experience’ is not realistic and for anyone that strives for control this can cause many issues to arise.  People in your life may have differing views; filter out the negative comments and focus your attention on yourself and your own health and wellbeing.
  1. Focus on the positives and your strengths.  The strength it takes to let go of the ideal of a vaginal birth and realise that a c section is the best option for you and the baby take strength.  Also for anyone that has cared for a baby in NICU ward or who has endured a lengthy labour only for it to end in a c section shows immense strength and courage.  For those that have given birth; was your experience what you expected?  Did you struggle with unplanned intervention and how did you overcome this?  Share your experiences with us; I’d love to hear from you.

Have a fabulous weekend ladies and wishing you all a happy, healthy and harmonious pregnancy.

Much Love

The Pregnancy Pantry

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